“Stop, stop now. Wait for a second..!” Mother screamed at her.
“Mom I’m already late. Please let me go..!”
She is running all over the halls and rooms after being late about 5 minutes. She is not able to handle anything, making more mess out of things.
“Ann can stop trying to fit in your feet, your brother’s shoes! Your shoe size is around six… ! ”
Ann looked down and was baffled to see, she was literally trying to wear her 5 year old sibling’s footwear.
After a minute, she just got still, with her right hand on her eyes.
Mother came near her and kept her hand on Ann’s dizzy hair.
“What happened? Tell me now.” She said in a voice even sweeter than her favourite melodies of love.
After two minutes, of walking away, trying to resist any utterance, she just broke down the dam she created skillfully, after 20 years of her life.
“Sshh… Oh! My dear.” Mother embraced her with her sleeves of warmth and heart of compassion and love.
“Mom, why me? Why I’m like… Like this! Why I can’t be normal? Why it still feels like, people are just .. Just staying for their sake! They’ll walk away. All! Why ? Why I can’t be like them? Like Susi or Uma? Why at the end of the day, it’s.. It’s like… I have wasted my life! On others, on … Ok. No. I know it’s not like this. I know I’m not lonely. I know I all the love, care, understanding and support in this world! Why can’t I be, be like, an extrovert? I’m I’m. But no one stays in the end! Those who understand, they are too, too far away! I don’t feel like disturbing them. They are busy, have their own problems. I’m. Then every time, when I decide to not talk to anyone, delete it all, be on my own, ..I ..I just cannot ignore the fact that, what if that person gets no one to hold on to? What if all his or her hopes now are from me. They tell everything, reveal and trust me. But why everyone so curious for each and every detail about you. I’m… I’m tired. I’m just..I can’t handle it no more! Oh ! Why the hell I’m crying?? What I’m saying!! I’m sorry! I’m … I’m okay. Yes.” She tries to walk away, leaving her mom’s hand, when mother held her arm and made her sit.
“Mom mom! I’m sorry. I’m I’m alright. I’m getting late. I must I must leave..” she kept trying to end the flood, but was not able to.
“You are not going anywhere today. ” Mother said in soft yet firm voice.
“Oh I must have controlled! I’m soo soo stupid! … ” Ann shouted in her head.
“Girl, I can hear that too. First of all you are not wasting anyone’s time. Second, take this pen and copy and just write at one page, all those who stayed, or always listen to you! They get disturbed when you write a desperate angry or any negative verse. On the next page write names of all those who are the reason for your cries, for your sadness. Who disturbs your mental state. Third, don’t expect anything from anyone. Make yourself strong enough to say good bye. Those who don’t care for you, will leave you on your own, and those who do care, will no matter what, they will find a way to reach out to you, when you call or even when you will try to leave. And even if you don’t call them, they will be there to motivate you through their love and memories. And the reason you are this way is, because I have never known that my girl is soo soo strong! That she is the exceptional! That you are…” She embraced Ann.
“Mom, but why can’t I be typical ones…! Like any other girl! ”
“Because, you can never be. Try it. Go against yourself. Not everyone is same dear. It’s your story. Your life. No one else can make it worth! Or live it better than you. If everyone would be living same life, then inspiration will die, creativity will die, imaginations, possibilities and most importantly love for new will die. At last the man will die, as life will be boring. And what’s bad with curiosity? That’s how people learn. That’s how they explore. It’s not necessary to stay, to tell everything to everyone. Choose. Every human who enters or levees is a part of your chain of good. Believe it. ”
There was stillness for next two hours.
“Thank you” was the chant in every nerve of Ann.